Monday, 19 August 2013

Most Kenyans Think USA is a Land of Milk & Honey: How Mistaken!!

By Katimba Kubaff

"Mambo vipi mtu nguyas?" were the first words from my cousin, Musili when I called him to catch up on the goings on in the village back home. Now let me put this straight; sheng’ has undergone so much change that those of us  on this side of 30s find it hard to communicate with our younger relatives and friends. They would as well be speaking Yaddah-Yaddah.

So if you have been away from the scene for a while, when you visit Jamhuri, kindly avoid the embarrassment of using the 90s sheng’. Consider that a public service announcement.

“How is everyone at home?” I asked.

“Everyone is good, but your brother Jemo has sold your heifer with the pretence that you are now in the land of milk and honey in need of no  small-scale farming in a third world country.” Musili said.

“How did it happen even as I left clear instructions to my father?” I was exasperated.

As you may or may not be aware, where I come from, a man is never a man without a cow or two. Now my one and only heifer is no more thanks to that ingrate son of my mother.

“Hey, my man, si you please send some green bucks, manze nimesota mbaya.” Finally to the crux of the  call.

“Bwana I have not gotten job yet,” I told him, matter of fact.

“Si I thought the gava there gives you an allowance for being unemployed,” Musili, like many people where I come from, think that the  streets of Maili Nne, USA are paved with Benjamins.

“Well, for one, I am yet to get a job. Two, when I do get one, you are nowhere near my worries.” I answered curtly. 

“I knew you will ringa like everyone who goes to Obamaland. You can’t  even remember how we have suffered together as hustlers,” Musili continued  with his diatribe.

“OK, my aunt’s son, as soon as I am settled, I will try to sort you out.” I said, just to have peace of mind.

I was not in a position to blame Musili. Yours truly had similar thoughts before crossing the pond. What the reality is on the ground is nowhere near the old wives tales told by the fireside to pass time in the village.

Many are the villagers who believe that by the time one makes it safe to the airport stateside, a US government issued limo is waiting to usher in the  newcomer to the land of opportunities. What follows is a free house, allowances, and advice about the goings on. Quick job interviews follow and then, viola! The newcomer is on the way to Nirvana.

And you know as well as I do that when a lie is told many times over to a villager, it might turn out to appear true. I did not have time to educate my cousin, Musili because the line went dead. I hope he did not think I am a snob.

My Baibeeeeeeeeeeee... Namba 8 yoh